One more sleep and I'll be a Grandma again.

Not sure what to put down as a title for this post. So I'm leaving it blank for the time being until I figure it out. (It wasn't until the last paraghraph that I figured it out so you'll have to read all through my ramblings about my wanting to smoke before getting to the good stuff sorry.)Strange, strange dreams last night. I haven't had a smoke in 12 hours not that I don't want one I just am trying my hardest to quit as I don't have the money to burn right now. It's hard. I have been so tired as well lately but that's depression and pain and not sleeping well. I need to get my act together but it's hard. It doesn't take long to go through money. I need to quit that's all there is to it. To be so dependent on cigarettes is crazy I just wish I wasn't. Then I have someone that lives in my living room that hasn't paid a cent of rent complaining if I bum a smoke off of him. He needs to go. I quit once for 10 days and didn't seem to have a problem but then I had set my mind upon it that that was what I was going to do. I haven't decided that I'm quitting this time. I don't know what to do right now.
I'm tired of being the responsible one. Making sure that the bills are all paid. Why do I do it? I guess I have been all my life the one that paid the bills except with my first husband. Even though he drank he did make sure the bills were paid. Well except when he sold my bike for a case of beer and said it was stolen. There I just had a nicotine fix and feel a bit better. My stepson willingly gave me a smoke.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do today I have no plans. I guess just clean the house do some laundry the usual. I haven't been drawing lately in quite a long time actually I should try and do some of that take my mind off smoking. Maybe practice a little guitar. I need to do something to occupy my mind. If only I could hear from disability that would be good. I want to be totally independent and not have to rely on anyone which would be nice. What to do, what to do. I'm even struggling with my writing this morning. Still, haven't thought of a post title. The weather is supposed to be nice today which is good. It's only going up to 19 degrees celsius which will be nice. It's only 15 right now. I haven't even had my second cup of coffee yet this morning. One thing I'm not tired right now which is nice. I had a pretty good sleep last night for a change.
Time to read I guess. I'll try and write later. I haven't been doing much of that either. It's been hard with my depression this time around. Oh one thing that was good was my blood pressure was down yesterday 104/67 I've never had it that low. So the doctor decided to cut back my one blood pressure pill. Even my heart rate was down to 65 that could be one reason why I'm so tired all the time. The funny thing was I thought my blood pressure was up when I went to see the doctor. I was surprised that it was so low. So that is good news. Think positive things happy thoughts. Tomorrow my daughter in law is having her cesarean section and I'll have a new grandson, that's exciting. I was so glad that I was there for my granddaughters birth it was amazing. She is getting really big it's hard to believe that she is two months old now so to be 3 months. Where has the time gone? So I'll call this post one more sleep and I'll be a grandma again.
My little family is certainly growing from just me to my son's and their families. Now we are a family of 8. It's hard to believe. My birth mother is still alive the last time I checked. Yeah, she is still alive. She'd be a great grandmother but for her reasons, she doesn't want to have anything to do with me which is fine. I did meet my aunt a few years back before she passed away which was nice. I'm glad I did. I'm very much like my aunt so it was nice to meet her and connect. Well, I guess I'll stop for now and write later.