Went to bed early

I was only up twice in the night which was great slept well still sore this morning but that's just part of life now. I'm supposed to go out with my sister today to clean my mum's place it's not what I want to do today but I guess I should. It rained most of the night but it's supposed to clear up this morning and be a nice day. I'm sore and fed up that's really what is wrong with me today. I'm not tired just fed up. I need to get out of this rut that I'm in and start focusing again on life. It's difficult. We have been watching 13 Reason Why I think it's called and I find it depressing. It's a very good show don't get me wrong it just brings back a lot of bad memories of my childhood which make me depressed. At least last night I didn't have too bad of a dream it was strange and all but a little more manageable than most. This time of year is not good for me brings back to many memories as well I think that is part of the reason for my depression and my back of course. I see my psychiatrist this week thank goodness and then my family doctor the week after.
I'm not too sure what time my sister wants to get going this morning I'm surprised she hasn't text me maybe I should look first. No, she hasn't I'm sure I'll hear from her soon. I'm just sitting here having my coffee and smoke. I made supper last night it was good I did a stir fry. I should really practice the guitar this morning not right now as I'm just waking up but before I go out. It's raining out right now or really windy maybe I'm not sure. I feel closed in the windows are shut and the front door is shut. I like the windows and door open I get a little claustrophobic when everything is closed up like this. It's hard to believe that we are halfway through the month again where has the time gone.
I have been trying to get my stepson out of the house and so far no luck. I said that he is going to have to start paying rent he has lived here for two years now rent-free and hasn't done a thing with his life. This too is depressing me. We need our house back. He can't live with us anymore and he really needs to move on. I'm tired of it. He is doing well-drinking wise and drug wise but it's time for him to get his own place. What do I do? Rents are crazy in town 1400 dollars for a two-bedroom apartment and that's in the bad part of town. My mum wants me to leave my husband and stepson and get my own place. Well that's not going to happen I happen to love my hubby and things would be better if his son wasn't here and we had our home back. I know I keep writing about the same things all the time but nothing new is happening with me. Same old, same old. If it's not my back it's my stepson or my mother. I need to get a life of some sort or another. This is my depression talking. I guess I'm not a very happy person. I should stop complaining but then this is my journal and this is how I express myself and try and keep sane by writing.
I should really stop for now and get over myself pull up my socks and move on, right. Wouldn't you like to give me a swift kick in the but and tell me to smarten up. I'm having a hot flash right now or sweating because of the pain I'm not too sure or my diabetes. My legs have been very restless lately. I know what is causing that it's the fact that I can't go for my walks and that I used to go on it's just too painful. I'll be glad once my walker gets here that will help get me out and moving a bit more I hope. My sister thinks I'm crazy but it will help me get around. Well, at least it should. Well, I should really be doing some reading this morning. I'm going to have to sign The Clash of Kings out again my heart just hasn't been into reading the past few weeks finding it hard to concentrate that's the depression I'm sure. I'm going to stop for now I'll try and write later if not tomorrow.