Well I had a nap this afternoon

I'm feeling a little better. I'm not as disappointed as I was. I haven't talked to anyone yet today haven't heard from anyone today either which is good. Hubby and I went for a walk and had a coffee and picked up our medications. I still haven't taken mine yet today and I don't think I will. I'll see how I feel tomorrow. I'm in a self-destructive mode right now we will see how long this lasts. I'm still tired of life and the sooner I can get out of this city the better. If I move away then the boys will have nothing to say and they can forget about me. I'm tired of being taken for granted. I have always been pushed aside all my life if something comes along better then I'm left on the sidelines. Now they don't have to worry one of these days they will find that I'm gone and then maybe they will miss me. I know it is petty and immature of me but I have to protect myself. I don't handle rejection very well and now I don't have to worry about being rejected as they can't get a hold of me to reject me. This is where I wish that I had had a daughter because they are closer to their mothers. I have taken down all the pictures of my family in the house now so I don't have a constant reminder of my family.  I guess I'm more like my birth mother then I thought. I need to get a hardened outer shell. Focus on me now and that's it.