Is live really that disposable?

I don't believe that abortion should be used as a form of birth control and as the mother of the son you have no say. Is this not my grandchild as well? I was given up at birth and was adopted at 11 months of age and I was conceived due to a date rape. It was hard to hear that my mother never looked at me but I should at least be greatful that she carried me for the nine months. This child was conceived in love but the relationship went wrong. I don't think that I can get over this nor do I want to. Where did I go wrong in life? At three months the child is already formed with hands and feet also a beating heart. I would have taken this child and loved it so would my son but it is the womens right. This is my feelings and I feel I should have rights as well. I'm tired and so depressed, this doesn't help with my suicidal thoughts as well if one life is disposable then so is mine. The one thing that is holding me here is my son how can I go and leave him right now. It's a daily fight that I have with myself. My boyfriend was worried about me and came down at lunch time to see me and gave me a ring in remembrance of my grandchild. He is another reason that I stay. He too fights depression and suicidal thoughts. So far we have never been depressed at the same time which is a good thing. We are able to bring each other out of our depression and at least make life manageable. We have been going together for six months now I never thought that I would meet anyone after my husband passed away that would be able to put up with me and my mood swings especially now since I have been diagnosed with major depression. With everything that is going on I have been able to get my visits down to once a week with my psychiatrist. For four years now I have been going twice a week I think that I'm ready for once a week. She will of course fit me in if I really need to go but the medication that I'm on now seems to be working. I'm on Effexor 150 twice a day and 10 of Abilify. I guess I should really stop writing and get some sleep do a bit of reading first still reading Clive Barker it's a good book to read to get my mind away from my thoughts. Well that's it for now good night cruel world.