Another week almost gone

They just seem to fly by so quickly I don't know where they have gone. I didn't sleep to bad last night dreamt a lot of crazy dreams but they weren't too bad. I hung out with my mother yesterday and I don't know why I do she drives me crazy and drains me of my energy. She didn't understand why I was getting a walker at my age. 'Your back can't be that bad' she would say. I don't know what I can tell her. I guess no one believes that you are in that much pain. I'd like people to walk in my shoes and see how it feels. My sister told me not to walk as far but what they don't seem to understand is that I can't walk that far, to begin with, and I enjoy walking it's the only exercise that I can get. I guess they feel that if I can ride a bike then I should be fine. I'm taking my life into my own hands if I ride my bike if my leg decides to give out on me then I'm down for the count. They don't want to operate and I had two surgeons look at my back and they both said no. What can I do about it? I guess this is the way I'm going to be and I have to live with it. Walking with a cane helps but it throws off my balance they said that I need to hang on with something with both hands. All I know is that I'm tired of being sore all the time and if it helps then that is what I have to do. No one likes getting old and I don't feel my restless leg helps either. Oh well, this is my lot in life and I have to live with it no sense complaining.
I have started reading the next book in A Game of Thrones, The Clash of Kings I think it's called. It's another 1600 pager. It will keep me busy I didn't practice the guitar again yesterday I need to do some today. My back has just been so sore it's hard to sit and enjoy playing. I'm tired this morning or bored I think more bored than anything else. I need to get my mind off of my back and start thinking straight. I'm finding it very depressing and need to think of something else but the pain is a constant reminder. My mother feels my back should be able to be fixed. I don't know. I don't think they feel that they can fix it only make it worse. 'Well, they were able to fix me.' My mother says. Well, I guess my back is different then hers was maybe it's a little more complicated than that I don't know. I know I'm keeping on about it but there is nothing I can do about it. I was told by one doctor that it's only a 60/40 chance that they could help me. I guess those are not very good odds. I remember that my husband was a 50/50 chance and they did help him but then he fell again and ruined the surgery. So what do you do about that? I have fallen 3 times in the last year possibly a little more than that but I just don't want to admit to it.
Well, I should stop now and write later. I have some things that I need to do today I'm tired of my mother trying to run my life for me. I really need to get away from the negative force I have enough negativity of my own without her's as well, even my sister isn't helping. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should go back to my psychiatrist again but I should be able to deal with these things on my own. I was much better dealing with my family when I was fully medicated but my psychiatrist doesn't want to medicate me so I can deal with my family and rightfully so I have to learn how to deal with them on my own. I shouldn't have to deal with them they should be supportive, I guess they don't like me falling apart. They look at it as a failure or maybe that is the way I look at it. The geese are starting to fly overhead, fall is in the air. Well, I'm going to stop now I'll write later or tomorrow.