Haven't been the best

I rely on other people to keep my mood up and I really struggle if people around me are down. I feel mentally and emotionally down and have for the past week. It's not good. Yesterday I tried to remain happy but it was a lot of work. My husband has been really good with me but he always is love him to bits. I told them at work that I have been struggling with major depression and I don't know how long I can go on like this for. It's difficult and I am trying hard to be up. I'm ready to give up. I know I should but I need something to distract me. I'd love to be in the country right now just away from all of this. One day it will happen. I've been thinking about going off on long term disability. I have major depression, heart disease, I've had quadruple bypass, diabetes and neuropathy in my hands and legs. One if not all five should get me off. Oh yeah a stroke and heart attack. I'm a mess. What else can go wrong with me. I see my doctor on the 17th of this month and I'm going to talk to him and see what he says. All he can say is no at least I know where I stand. Well I should really stop and get ready for work I'll write later.