Friday thank god

Even though I took yesterday off I decided to go back to work today. Only one day then I'm off for two. I don't feel any better but I think I'll ask my psychiatrist for some olanzapine for when I'm really bad. I need something to get me through this depression above and beyond my meds that I'm on. We will see. I'm not to bad this morning had a pretty good no lights sleep last night. This is a daily struggle for me right now. I broke down in the doctors office when he mentioned about changing my medication not that he would have but my psychiatrist might. I know she won't but just the thought of it made me cry. I can't go back to the way I was with my thoughts running circles in my head. He doesn't understand and if I explain it to him he'd lock me up. It's becoming a bit more of a battle again. I don't know why but it is. I just want to be half ways normal again. I need to get back on track. As much as I like this time of year it is also difficult for me it starts around the time of my birthday and continues until January. Two months of hell. Oh well just give myself a kick and move on right. It just doesn't work that way I wish it did. It would be so much easier. A lot of people struggle this time of year and it's not easy. Well that's enough for now. I'll write later.