Novel Idea

I took the day off of work not feeling well. Just in to much pain I'm really getting tired of being in pain. I have a book that I have been working on for the past 6 years or so if not longer I guess it has been the past 12 years now where has the time gone? So now with the new laptop I thought it was time to start working on it again. I have to get used to working with the new Microsoft office that I have and see what I can do. It has been a while since I looked at it I don't know where to start. I don't know if I will ever get it published I just don't have enough confidence in myself to send it any where but it will give me something to do and keep me busy this was one of the reasons why I bought the laptop to begin with so I should really try. My honey gets his motor cycle this evening so all will be fair. I got the laptop him a motor cycle they cost about the same it was a treat that we got ourselves with our income tax money. Well I should really try and do something I need to go to the store and get some smokes that is something that I should really give up but I'm not ready. I did write about my doctors appointment I saw him last week on Wednesday and he feels that the pain I'm having is coming from my back which I had figured as well so he ordered an MRI. I was able to get it done on Friday which was great as my psychiatrist said that it was the fastest that she had ever heard of someone getting on done I guess the advantage of working in the hospital and telling them that I could come down any time to get it done. So now I just have to wait for the results which I should be getting July 3rd in one way I hope they find nothing wrong with me but on the other hand I hope they do because I'm beginning to think that it is all in my head. I also have an appointment to go and see my family doctor on the 25th to see how my blood pressure is doing and it was to follow up on my appointment with the neurologist. I don't think that there is any sense in going to this appointment because I don't have to results of the MRI yet but maybe the family doctor will have them but they say that it takes a couple of weeks to get the results. I'm tired right now I should go back to bed and get some more sleep maybe a nap this afternoon will do me better. Well that's about it for now I forgot to mention that my psychiatrist changed me over to Cymblata 90 mg and it seems to be workign for the depression but we were hoping to get a dual effect of taking my pain away in my hands and feet but so far nothing has happened. It does seem to be affecting my period and I have read where it did the same thing to other people as well but it's not mentioned as one of the side effects. I am only having some spotting where I should have had it a few weeks ago. My psychiatrist is thinking that it is more likely that I am starting menopause either way I hope that I am done with it for good. Well now I should stop for the time being I'll try and write a little later on and a little more frequently now that I have everything up and running.

My suical thoughts have really slowed down this past month I don't know why that is whether it is the medication or just the fact that things are going great in my life right now. I still have them but they don't hang on like they used to. It is nice to be with out them I didn't think that it would ever happen but it has. I think that my honey helps with this he is someone that I'm able to talk to about them. Even with the pain that I'm having they are keeping at bay. I still wonder when they will come back though but I try not to give them to much thought I don't want them to linger in my head to much.